I Named My Lottery Ticket “Hillary Clinton” Because I’m Hooked On Watching Her Lose

Hi, my name is Joe, and I’m addicted to watching Hillary Clinton lose.

I have to think I’m not the only one.

It all began during the 2016 presidential campaign. Who among us could fail to be moved by her cackling dismissal of questions into the instances of alleged corruption, incompetence, and ethical lapses. Her blithe brush offs of people who said they can no longer afford to go to the doctor. The shouted remonstrances of Americans who dared not pledge wholehearted fealty to her election.

Hillary Clinton rigged

Then, after losing the presidential election on November 8, as her supporters rioted in city streets, and bogus “recounts” were forced in Michigan, Wisconsin, and Pennsylvania, and Democrats began harassing the voters of the Electoral College, and suddenly Russia was touted as an all-purpose boogeyman for problems in the lives of certain members of the political class, the Clinton campaign seemed to go from silent to sanguine to outright supportive of these corrosive developments in American civic life.
Hillary Clinton lose
And then how the losses piled up.

Throughout all that, an idea that probably popped up in most peoples’ minds was:

Now there’s a woman who could use some good old-fashioned losing.

The moment of realization for me came last week when we learned Trump gained 130 votes from the Wisconsin recount. That was some pretty funny irony right there, when you consider that a whole bunch of people were hornswoggled into dumping cash onto the Green Party for it.

What I realized was: The Universe is rewarding us. The woman who needed a loss is running an endless gauntlet. It’s raining schadenfreude.

This never happens! The rude bureaucrat is NEVER forced to apologize. The jerk who cuts you off on the highway is NEVER pulled over by the cops. But this entitled, obnoxious, hectoring political candidate is getting spanked over and over. And each of these spankings, my friends, is a victory for the forces of Good.

It’s metaphysically intoxicating.

I love it so much I am loading up a stash so I never have to do without watching Hillary Clinton lose for the rest of my life.

I rarely play the lottery, but when I do, I lose, so I’m naming my lottery tickets “Hillary Clinton” from now on. Every unsuccessful scratch off is another victory for the World of Light.
I name my lottery tickets Hillary Clinton

My regular cartoon will be the Roadrunner and Hillary Clinton.
Hillary Clinton and the Roadrunner

As a football guy, I will enjoy the weekly hijinks of the Cleveland Hillary Clintons.
Cleveland Hillary Clintons Football

And of course, their quarterback: Robert Griffin, the Hillary Clinton.
Robert Griffin the Hillary Clinton

We’ll watch the extreme dieting show, “World’s Biggest Hillary Clinton.” I want to change the vernacular so we teach our kids not to date a Hillary Clinton. When there’s a startling event we’ll break down the Winners and Hillary Clintons. Wherever there’s a trial, challenge, fight, or comparison where one party can end up with the short end of the stick, that will be the “Hillary Clinton” in that contest.

Then maybe someday, after the humility has set in, years from now we’ll see an interview with an elderly woman in a pantsuit, reflecting and explaining: “I used to be a Hillary Clinton, but life taught me some hard lessons, and now I just try to be a regular human being who treats others decently.”

Job Placement Service For Robert Griffin III – Serious Enquiries Only, Please

Robert Griffin III choir director
West Hills Presbyterian Church, Choir Director

In the interest of helping my fellow Washingtonians, I have opened this space to serve as a crowdsourced employment service for Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III.

Robert Griffin III, for those of you who do not know, is a very good man, of the highest character and eloquence, who happens to be not a very good quarterback in the National Football League – a description which undoubtedly applies to many of us, so let us not be quick to judge.

The population of Washington DC – which includes every member of the Washington Redskins football team along with their spouses, children, coaches, former players and ghosts of the deceased – has recently brought it to my attention that they would prefer Robert Griffin III obtain new employment which would make better use of his impressive skills and personality. In that same conversation, the population of Washington DC informed me they have no real preference as to location of this employment, as long as it is on any part of the planet Earth not currently occupied by the Washington Redskins football team. Which leaves plenty of real estate.

Already, the following opportunities have been submitted and prescreened:

West Hills Presbyterian Church, Knoxville, TN

Choir Director

Part-time job opening for the position of Choir Director at West Hills Presbyterian Church, Knoxville, TN. Committed Christian men with training and experience directing adult church choirs may contact D.J. Cimino at whpc.search@gmail.com for more information.

If you are Robert Griffin III, click here to apply.

Robert Griffin III and Dalai Lama
Kidworks, Executive Director
Kidworks, Santa Ana, CA

Executive Director

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